The Darkness and the Cold
by PagetFan
Summary: A Very short post ep. for 7x06 'Epilogue' reflecting on Emily's thoughts and actions in the episode...


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Spoilers: episode 7x6 "epilogue"

"All I felt was cold and darkness. I would like to think there's something else waiting for me." The admission had been surprising to the team, Emily could tell from the looks on their faces, and honestly, she was just as surprised by it herself.

All recent reference to her death and subsequent resurrection surrounded her return, the subject of her death and the events surrounding it had become taboo. The wounds her evasion and deceit had cause were still too fresh, and Emily, ever the martyr, had promised herself that she would never share with them the fear, the sadness, the consuming guilt that she experienced that night and the 6 months following. Those dark times were her penance and she kept them gladly.

A part of her thinks her sudden irrepressible urge to share this tidbit was brought on by the deep issues shared with her by Rossi earlier and now Reid. They'd taken risks sharing so openly and Emily felt a need to return that trust. Really those thoughts had only brought her near death experience to the edge of her mind, it was the UnSub who had pushed it off the tip of her tongue and forced it through her teeth with such fervor that even the clenching of her jaw couldn't keep the raw emotion from pooling in her eyes.

This UnSub was one that would haunt her because despite the horror his victims must have felt, despite the torture he put them through, Emily understands. She understands the fear, understands the disappointment, she understands the desperate clawing need for reassurance.

That desperation is what sends her plunging into the icy lake water after him with a hoarse call that sounds to those around her more like a pleading cry. She feels the heaviness of her boots and the pressure in her chest from the temperature, it sends a sharp pain through her throat and her lungs that she ignores but by the time she finds him and her arms close around him she can ignore the panic no longer. She feels like she is drowning. Suddenly she isn't sure which direction she is meant to be pulling him, cannot find the surface or the shore. She is lost and it starts to feel as though she is the one being pulled.

It is Reid pulling her in, she realizes. His thin arms showing a strength that seams beyond them as he pulls them both onto the bank. His presence has reminded Emily why she is here and she tries desperately not to sputter, to find a calm within herself and push forth an air of professionalism.

"It's not your time." She calls. It can't be his time, because Emily needs to know what he found, she needs to know if the vision changes or if he, like her, has done too many things so unforgivable that they are resigned to the same cold dark and lonely fate.

She feels relief bubble up within her when he comes to. Her mouth is forming around a question and her heart is thumping with hope that her reassurance will be found but before she can say anything Reid is pulling out his handcuffs and reciting Miranda rights.

Emily is left gasping and empty handed, the cold once again pressing down upon her chest and causing the panic and fear to rise up. She finds herself turning back to the water, it's glassy surface already still, showing no signs of the struggle that just tool place.

Emily can feel herself shaking uncontrollably, can hear her teeth chattering wildly but she makes no move to warm herself. The hot tears that mingle with the cold water dripping down her face are the only warmth she will allow because the cold seems fitting, it's like a perfectly coordinated accessory to her sudden feeling of hopelessness. She's lost her chance and having been so close to getting an answer the thought of living with not knowing feels overwhelming.

Emily jumps when she feels a pair of strong warm arms wrap around her, the itchy sensation of a heavy wool blanket accompanying them. She doesn't need to turn around to see who it is, some part of her registered his worry amidst the chaos and she knows the terror must have been plain as day on her face. Now she realizes that the sandy bank has calmed and they are the only ones left.

"I wanted to know what he saw." She tells him, keeping her voice hollow in hopes that she can keep her tears hidden. "I needed to ask him if it changed."

"His answers wouldn't have helped you." The words are pressed into the skin just below her ear, Derek's low tones reverberating through her, sending the first soothing waves of warmth through her shivering body. "You aren't him." he can tell that Emily isn't convinced but she nods anyways.

"I never used to fear death." She tells him, her gaze still set on the horizon over the lake. "But now that I know what it's like to die alone..." Her words trail off as she feels Derek's broad chest go momentarily still behind her.

"You didn't die." He insists, and it is obvious that he's struggling to keep his tone comforting. "And you're not alone." he adds with a hint of determination. "I know I failed you last time, but I swear to god, Emily, I won't let you die alone."

Emily wishes the passion in his tone were enough to sooth her fears, but she shakes her head sadly. "You can't promise me that."

"Yes I can." This time his voice carries the timber of a smile which causes Emily to turn her eyes to his. "I am setting up camp right here" A large dark hand moves to rest on her chest and her heart races to greet it. "and I ain't leaving anytime soon."

"Thank you." Despite her effort her words escape as a whispered sob. Emily presses her forehead to his strong jaw and closes her eyes, allowing herself a minute to revel in his comfort, and soak up his warmth.

"Always, Princess." He murmurs, and with that the pressure of the cold on her chest is lifted.

The vision will change because she has changed. She has opened her heart and finally accepted the love of this amazing man. The cold and the darkness gave her the push she needed to take this leap with him and her efforts have been rewarded with the knowledge that she will never be alone again.

*END*

Sorry if there are any errors or inconsistencies... I picked up my iPhone after the episode and this story basically typed itself and I decided to post as-is.


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